Hello Reader,

Something happened to me the other day and I would be willing to bet money that it's happened to some of you, too.

I went to a party and saw a lot of women I hadn't seen since the pandemic started.

I had a fabulous time except for this one thing that happened - and that happens often enough to me that it's starting to get irksome...

I'm not sure how to explain this well, but I'll try.

Note: if you're one of my friends who was at the party and I somehow didn't realize you were on my email list, what I'm describing below is a compilation of how these type of evenings always go for me - they didn't all happen the same night, thank GAWD!

So, I see a bunch of women that I haven't seen in awhile.

The comments start off like this:

"Hey, wow - your hair your looks great!"

"I love your natural hair!"

"Your gray hair looks fabulous!" and,

"Look at you, with your gorgeous silver hair."
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Yay, compliments - this is great! Feeling pretty good right now!

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But then we move on to the next (seemingly inevitable) phase of the conversation -

"You are so brave, I could never do that." ​
(Well, I'm not rescuing babies from a burning hospital - I just got sick of dyeing my hair)​
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​"I'm too young to go gray." ​
(Umm, lady you're the same age (or older) than me)

"I could never do it - I care too much about how I look." ​
(OKAY.. I guess I don't give a crap about how I look??)

"Your gray hair is pretty but mine is ugly."​
(You actually can't tell until all the dye is cut off, also what the heck am I supposed to say to this?)

Then, no matter how much I try to steer the conversation away from my gray hair, or gray hair in general, it ends up with these women explaining to me in great detail why this isn't the right choice for them.

Which is fine, but see - I never asked.

I know going gray from dyed hair is still a non-conformist choice.

I would never pressure anybody to go gray, and I never evangelize about it to people because it's such a personal decision.

The only time i give advice or guidance about it is when people ask me.

But I keep getting drawn into these kinds of conversations and to be honest, it's draining.

I just want to be with my friends and have a nice time, and not have my hair be the main topic of conversation (and controversy).

I finally figured out why this happens (sorry, I know this is long but I think it's important as I know these type of things happen to many of you):

When we make choices that are unusual or go against the cultural norm, some people see that as a rebuke.

Our decision to go silver puts these type of people on the defensive.

Even if we never said ONE WORD about our gray hair to them, the very act of BEING a gray-haired woman feels like a slap in the face to them and it makes them feel like we are questioning THEIR choices.

And that's why they get defensive and start explaining their choice not to go gray to us, even if we never asked them.

It's so odd as I'm not that type of person - and I bet many of you aren't, too.

So it's hard to get into their mindset. But it IS a mindset that many people have.

I first encountered this mindset when I used cloth diapers for my infants. I didn't care what other people did with their babies, but for my babies, I wanted to use cloth diapers.

When I'd change my baby's diaper at a mommy get-together, inevitably someone would notice my son's cloth diapers and then immediately launch a defense of why they chose to use disposable.

If they were really feeling heated, I'd get an earful about why I was wrong to use cloth (say what?)

I had to hear about it ALL.THE.TIME even though I never ONCE brought up the topic myself.

It was annoying!

Do I have any words of wisdom on how to handle this?

Not really. Because nothing really works (believe me, I've tried).

The only thing I can think of is to pretend to start choking on crackers or something (!!) next time this happens, as I think that only a major emergency could stop this type of convo in its tracks.

But at least we know that, despite this aggravation, we are happy with OUR choice and get to reap the rewards of healthier, unique hair.

I'd love to hear your thoughts or comments on this!

Please hit REPLY and let me know!

Katie xo

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MY FAVORITE SILVER HAIR RESOURCES:

​Bold Uniq - PETA-approved, cruelty-free, vegan and powerful purple hair products to reduce yellow tones in silver and blonde hair. Use code KATIE20 for 20% off.

​Eye Embrace - one of the only companies that makes eyebrow pencils & powders in a multitude of gray shades for every skin tone. Use code KGPBROWS for 5% off

​Kerotin - Another excellent purple hair care products company. Their products are Made in the USA, and are free of silicones, parabens, sulfates and sodium chloride. They are also cruelty-free. Use code KGP15 for 15% off.

​QuickSilverHair Clay Kit - Hands-down, my favorite gray hair product to brighten your silver hair! My son uses it to clarify his super-dense, curly hair and he loves it just as much as I do!
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